An Open Letter to the Girl I was Before I Became “Mama”

There will be days where you feel like you are living someone else’s life. You will look back on your old self and she will seem strange to you.”

Photo by Kristina Paukshtite on Pexels.com

To the girl I was before I became “mama,”

My dear friend. You sweet child. There is so much you have yet to learn — so much you have yet to experience. You are filled with endless hopes and dreams. You are carefree and so very naive. Oh, to be you again.

To see the world through the lens you do.

To live on a whim like you do.

To belong to myself like you do.

There are times I reminisce those carefree days full of wandering and exploration. Those late nights filled with the laughter of friends. Those weekends of endless naps and whimsical brunches.

Nowadays, these times of reminiscing grow fewer and further between.

At first I found myself constantly wishing to be back in your shoes — feeling as though I took the freedom for granted, as if I wasted so much opportunity when I was you.

But not so much these days.

When I look back on you and the life you live, I see fun. I see happiness.

I have since replaced the fun with contentment. And the happiness with joy. Not that there is anything wrong with fun and happiness — there truly isn’t. But I want to share with you the secrets your future holds for you.

Your life is going to change, my dear. God has so many things in store for you — things you simply cannot fathom.

Mountains will move. Valleys will rise. And you will be shaken.

He will bless you with a child — the precious gift of life — and you will carry her so close to you. You will feel different. You will look different. And you will begin to live differently, too.

You body will no longer be your own. And neither will your heart.

And after months of waiting and longing to meet your sweet girl, she will arrive right on time. She will sit quietly in your arms and make you the mother you are destined to be. She will find a resting place in your heart — a place you will guard with all your might to keep her safe and sound.

She will rock your world, my friend.

Your days will no longer be carefree and whimsy will begin to scare you. You will find sprinkles of freedom here and there, but you’ll also realize you no longer yearn to be free like before. You prefer to be home.

You will still explore, but you won’t wander as far as you used to. Your adventures will no longer be about you — and that’s okay. You actually like it that way. You will find joy in her curiosity. You will find peace in her smile.

Your late nights will look a little different. There will be tears and you will be tired. Some nights you will sit and wonder if the morning will ever come.

I promise you it does. The sun always comes out again.

There will be days where you feel like you are living someone else’s life. You will look back on your old self and she will seem strange to you. There will be moments of panic and terror. You will wonder how you got here. And that’s okay — don’t let those days frighten you.

Because then there will be days like today where you will remember her — the girl you used to be before “mama” — and you will smile. She will feel distant to you, but the good kind of distant. The memories will play, but you won’t miss them like you used to. You’ll be content with the simple, perfect life you have been graced with.

There will be days like today where you simply find joy being “mama.”

All my love,

The you that you are destined to be

Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.”

Robert Browning

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